Spike

An evening panic attack remembered.

A spike
a shiver in my heart
and I quiver
my mind plunges
into despair
the anxiety
razoring through
the thin veil of confidence
I tried so hard
to mend.

I’m so tired of reconstructing
the what ifs
the torture of
my worst fears
slithering nightmares
waking grabbing me up
laughing at my
attempts at normalcy.

And when I’m lying
in bed
with my vitals
outpacing my will
to survive
I curl up and worry.

I don’t want to be scared
please don’t let me be scared
anymore
these tears and the
trails they trace
on my body
where just the slightest hiccup
might spell doom for me.

Why does it all look
like armageddon
why can’t i put my feet
on the floor and
feel the pulse of the
moment.

Please just let me
feel the reality
of everything being at peace.

Just a whiff of
probability
to keep myself together
and my anxiety spikes
and i’m impaled
up here
and no one can reach me
to help me down.

Spike

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